Man jumps from plane with no parachute in an effort to impress his date, immediately regrets decision…

By: Fock

Gary Wibbles, of Orange County, was pronounced dead in a field in a freak skydiving accident at the age of 32.

After watching a national broadcast of famed stuntman Luke Aikins 25,000 foot freefall into a net with no parachute, Wibbles decided to replicate the stunt in an effort to impress his new girlfriend who he had recently started dating.

“We weren’t dating. We met on tinder once and went to his house to watch Netflix. We didn’t even chill. We just watched an episode of Naked and Afraid and then I left because it he was ‘expletive’ weird. We are not an item.” Said his girlfriend, Mindy Peaches.

Apparently, Wibbles showed up at a local skydiving business and asked to do a solo jump. While most skydiving business require a tandem jump first, this particular company, SkyDiveGuy Inc, allows solo jumps upon signing of a no liability waiver and the viewing of a 15 minute video.

As the plane climbed to jump altitude Wibbles called Peaches and left a voicemail expressing his love and told her to watch the news. When asked what her reaction was she responded. “He’s not my ‘expletive’ boyfriend.”

When the plane reached 15,000 feet, the jump instructor opened the plane hatch and Wibbles got into place. As the jump order was given, Wibbles wiggled out of his parachute and dove out of the plane before the instructor could stop him. When asked what happened in those few seconds, the instructor, Darryl Watson, explained that right before Wibbles jumped, he screamed, “This is for you Peaches!” and was gone. “I’m actually relieved to hear that peaches is a woman because this whole time I thought he was professing his love for stupid piece of fruit.”

Authorities later recovered the GoPro Wibbles was wearing and released the following transcript of Wibbles last words.

 

BEGINNING OF RECORDING

“This is for you Peaches!……….. Oh shit, I totally regret this decision…. Did I close my garage door when I left this morning? Fuuuuck. I can’t remember………… I should have told Mindy to check……. Shiiiitttt……. Where’s my phone?….Shit!…. Left it in my parachute pocket……. Damn it…… okay where’s the landing net…… Fuuuuck!…….. I forgot that part…… Why can’t I remember the simplest shit….first the garage door and now the net….. I better go see a doctor when I get…………………………….”

END OF RECORDING

 

We reached out to family of Wibbles for comment but were denied. Later that day however, his parents Walter and Wendy Wibbles of Orange County gave a moving press conference saying that they were heartbroken over the loss of their son, but also wanted to correct the news reports of him being 32. “He was actually 23 years old.” His mother Wendy said. “He always claimed to be older because he was worried people would think he was immature due to the scientific community claiming that the male brain is not fully formed until the age of 26.”

His funeral was held at the “Tony Bologna Funeral Home” owned by the Wibbles family friend, Anthony Bologna.
“It’s was a sad day.” Tony said during a later interview at the funeral home. “We originally planned for an open casket funeral for his loved ones to say their goodbyes but then they delivered the body and I was like, Holy Moses, that boy went out looking like his favorite breakfast meal. A pancake.”

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