Philadelphia Homeless Relocated for Democratic National Convention…


By: Focks

A sparsely reported story has recently come to light following the recent Democratic National Convention held in Philadelphia. According to verified sources, Philadelphia city leaders took action against the growing infestation of homeless people, mostly veterans, that have begun taking over the cities streets.


“It’s become a real problem.” said city councilman Tip Farnsworth. “Hundreds of Homeless men, women and children have turned our beautiful city into a real eyesore.”


Philadelphia city planner, Gladys Smoothestbutt gave more insight. “When we found out we had won the contract to host the 2016 Democratic Convention a couple years ago, we realized that we had to restructure the budget in order to meet the demands associated with an undertaking of this size. We cut all funding for the local homeless shelters as well as all our veteran programs we had in place, which was like one program. We diverted those funds into preparing for this national event knowing that all eyes would be on our city come July 2016. What we failed to account for however, was that the homeless that were at one time hidden from view were now pushed into the streets. In June, just a month before the convention, we implemented a last minute plan to relocate this group to a different location in an effort to beautify our streets.”


“We decided to send them to Mexico.” Tip said, “We figured it was a fitting place to send them in case this story got out. We assume the Democrats will use it to their advantage and decry that deportation the Republicans promise has already begun. It was a failsafe to the potentially damaging image it would create of our wondrous city.”


However, upon further investigation, it was discovered that in the flurry and hurry of the planning, the homeless were sent to the small midwest town of Mexico, Missouri, a place known for it’s overabundance of midwest hospitality and its surprising absence of actual Mexicans.


We called Mark Jameson, Mayor of Mexico, Missouri, to see how they were adjusting to the immediate population growth they experienced. “Well, I’m proud of this town.” He said. “They give and give and give. The problem is, is that they welcomed these men and women into our small community so wholeheartedly and gave of our resources so unwaveringly that the town is now broke. We declared bankruptcy shortly after and soon lost 90% of our businesses to neighboring towns.”
When asked how they would remedy this unique situation Jameson hesitated… “Well, right now we have an offer from the actual Mexico to purchase our little town. This would require annexation from the state and country but the deal would grant all those living within the county lines Mexican citizenship.” He explained. “Obviously, this would present an issue with the Republicans as it would require another wall to be built. The one thing we think will appease them though is that with all the homeless becoming Mexican citizens, and Trumps declaration that Mexico will pay for the wall, we may be able to strike some sort of deal where we just get the homeless Mexicans to build the wall themselves. It would be a sorta win win. America wouldn’t have to pay workers to build the wall and Mexico wouldn’t have to change its name.”

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