Local Pennsylvania Patriarch Indicted in Murder of Gay Son

By: Fock

News agencies in Pennsylvania are reporting a heinous crime committed in a small, reclusive Amish community upstate. According to reports, Horus Hershgerber was arrested last Tuesday in connection with his son’s murder. His reasoning? Finding his son in the embrace of a boy from a neighboring metropolitan city.

Local Police Chief, Sgt. Smith described the scene as, “Horrific” and, “Puts a dark shadow on the practice of barnraising.”


Although the details are still murky, it is believed that during one of these community barn raisings, Hershgerber’s son, Jebedebediah Hershgerber slipped away from the group and rendezvoused with his secret lover (unnamed for protection) in the woods near his home. Becoming suspicious of his son’s absence, Hershberger went looking for his son and found him snuggling with his partner behind a grove of tall fir trees. At the sight of the righteously irrate patriarch, the son’s lover fled the scene. Hershgerber Sr. then grabbed his son by the ear and took him back to the community for a public shaming. After strapping him to the framework of the half finished barn, he began to whip the boy repeatedly shouting that there was no place in his family for a homosexual. In strict biblical fashion, he gave the boy 40 lashes, a death sentence to those that lived in ancient biblical times, which also happens to be a death sentence in communities that still live in ancient times. News spread when the other young man reached home and the police visited the farming community to inquire about the murder and make subsequent arrests.

During the following interrogation, Hershgerber Sr. admitted immediately to the “necessary murder” and claimed that not only had his son ruined the family name, he also ruined the communities ability to use the fir tree grove he was found beneath in future barn raising endeavors, stating: “The seed of those precious fir trees have been defiled by the seed of the wretched.”

Hershgerber Sr. is awaiting sentencing and it is believed he will receive life in prison for his crimes.

In further developments, it appears that metropolitan areas surrounding the commune in question have experienced a mass influx of Amish men that fled their families and farms in fear for their own lives.

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